cof day 26

as i slide into the last week, i had today to take care off. and god what a tiring day it was. as it is, like i mentioned earlier, i was underprepared and underconfident going into this scene. and the results eventually happened. i had a harrowing time getting the kid to perform simple action. the end result, well i wont know i guess until i am ready to edit. archana who was playing the mother however was a complete natural, maybe i will lean more on her during the edit.
now back to the topic of kids. why the hell cant they ever sit still, this kid would always want his dad by his side, so it was impossible to get him to do anything. sigh. well atleast the day is done and the scenes were shot. but i know i should have done better. maybe i am leaving too much to chaos and natural instincts. will work on this aspect when i shoot the final scenes on new years eve.
kids, i hate kids who dont listen, who whine about going back to their dads, who just wont shut up and listen. god, it wasnt like i was asking him to do scarface. the kid just had to be himself. and by himself i mean, like how i'd imagined him to be. i know i'm being unreasonable. but heck, who do i complain to?
kidssssss arrrrrgh...who wants them.

cof day 25

merry christmas. well the spirit was alive,almost i guess. my head was actually splitting thinking about the complexity of the shoot for tomorrow. i know it will be my most unpredictable day yet and that rattles me. i know i am terribly underprepared for it. but enough about tomorrow.
today..went off in a daze. between meeting my mentor and xmas fervour at home, i also had to decide how i could capture the christmas spirit in 5 min later in the evening.however i think i was able to do just that. the week ahead is mysterious and frightening. mysterious cus i have no clue whats going to happen, frightening cus i dont want to ever doubt what i've been upto for the last 3 weeks. sigh....
somehow my heart isnt all jingle bells...its a silent night. need to clear my head for tomorrow. will call it a day now.
ciao.

cof day 24

its xmas eve. love is in the air. but more than love, i guess i feel a certain lingering fear. like: what the hell have i been shooting for the past 3 weeks?!
hmm...well to help me through my internal dialogue, i shot the last of the romantic scenes today. the results were better than expected. with this i have wrapped most of the character development scenes. but it also reminds of the most important ones yet...the scenes which are due from xmas....phew....its going to be a long, hard and i hope on the 31st a fulfilling one. i will call it a wrap no matter what on new years eve.

cof day 23

shot some romantic moments. was simple and easy and fun. like most days on the shoot. no wait i have had some trouble. but yeah this was a breeze. no plans, just actions. winding down for the week, at the same time winding up for the last one ahead. need to get one more character in.

day 22

guess what, i got my script back. is this providence or a sign...i wonder. however i feel exceptional. its quite ironical that i havent even leafed through it over days, but somehow well i need it with me....
yes folks...yes i got my script back. unbelievable but true.
some kind hearted innocent chai boy on the road picked it up and took it to his hut. luckily for me...when ravi checked with him today morning..... etc etc
will go into shoot tomorrow feeling good.

cof day 21

my most trying day so far. what started off as a wonderful day, especially after giving my scriptscrapbook a nice new cover design, i was all pepped up and gungho about my shoot.
we started off well, but the evening soon turned dark and trying, my camera assistant who also white balances using my script, lost it. yes you read right, he lost my precious script.
ironically i was day dreaming earlier in the day about how i will always treasure my writings no matter what the fate of my film...and for this to happen, it cannot be a coincidence. i dont know man. the rest of the evening was spent by the whole crew retracing our steps to try and find my damned script, we asked passerbies,beggars (whom i had earlier yelled at), small shopkeepers etc etc. i had to give up....and i didnt know whom to be mad at....but i was feeling more terrible than i can remember in recent memory. it felt and feels like an arm of mine has been pulled off. i feel like i have lost my puppy...i feel i lost a child....its so terrible and no one can share or understand my anguish....i didnt know and dont know what to do...so i announced pack up and drove, or atleast tried to in my cities godfforsaken traffic....aimless and wallowing in self pity...i tried to dissect my very essence of existence,capability,manner and personality...i decided i was mad at myself. it was my script and i shouldnt have let that happen.
i was sitting in a cafe drinking chai when i got a call from my actor asking me to forget about it....yeah...easier said than done i thought, and i got on my way home...when...
i saw a man on the road stagger and fall to the ground, he was hit and was being helped by someone....as usual i figured i can let this go, in hyderabad there are enough people around to help...and i was in a car..and i had to find a place to park....and it was too much trouble...
but i did park...now this was something i did after a lot of forethought....
i couldnt help myself as i got off the car and see what i could do to help...
something in me was saying..."get off your ass,you selfpitying asshole".

and this selfpity asshole did what he could, i was among 3 or 4 other people who called 108, i however was the only one who asked what one must do as they lay watching a man bleeding from the head. they asked me to keep the pressure on...
here is the prick in me which came to the forefront...there was someone already holding his head,covered with a cloth....since i didnt want blood on my hands, i told him in all urgency to keep the pressure on...i then realised that this man was also choking the bleeding guy by having the cloth wrapped all around his nose.as he lifted it, i felt things were getting better for everyone.
however there was more action going on...the bike which rammed into this guy was also parked by the side and a couple of guys were trying to get away....the crowd stopped them and began beating the crap out of them...
i intervened and told them to hold on...there wasnt any point in hitting these guys, they were also dazed,hurt and shocked. i told the crowd not to lay a hand...and had them sit by the side of the road. i found myself consoling them to....somehow its always easy for me to relate to the culprit. maybe i was an aussie in my last birth...

anyways, the amubulance never showed up but the cops did, i briefed them, but them didnt seem to be listening...so things began to get in control. i kept speaking to the bleeding guy, asking his name, asking people to move aside so he could get some air.....well i did what i could including carrying him to the side of the road. i was too cowardly to get my hands in blood, but i did ask the 'presee' to keep it pressed....the cops finally gave up waiting for the ambulance and took the bleeding guy in an auto...
i rewarded myself to a fag and drove home, slowly...

bottomline: my precious script was dear to me. i sat around moping about it.i played my part to make a couple of guys feel better.i still miss my script.but am consoling myself by thinking,i played a part for someone else for a change.maybe the time delayed and my script being lost was for a better cause, i can always get another print.....

but i do miss my dear script. :( please come back to me magically tomorrow.

just heard my sister having an argument with my dad, need to get into my room asap...waiting for the damn pics to upload

cof day 20

so day 20 and i literally thought i wouldnt be shooting for a while this morning. simply cus i didnt know where to start or beging anymore. maybe it was withdrawal symptoms from continues work which began kicking in. dunno...anyways.
i was dis-oriented cus i didnt have a lady to play the part of the mother. as my luck would have it, i didnt have to make do with anyone and actually, well probably have gotten the person whom i wanted.
and to top it off i also managed to can a sequence, for the first time in the movie which actually involved 'action' from another actor. more developments on that front tomorrow...will leave you with some pictures.

cof day 19

probably the most uncertain day of shooting. i really didnt know what else i needed to can, considering i had pretty much finished shooting the main characters sequences. but anyways, i dragged myself along and tried to finish up as much as i wanted....and then i gave up. enough is enough. it was time to shift into another gear now....
i called it a day as i spend time now fretting and thinking of what the future holds. hopefully i will be able to can the remaining scenes by this week and call it a wrap....

funnily i am frightened of post production...its almost killing me, the expectation, the fear....the whole weight of the fucking world

cof day 18

ok for the first time i realise this shoot is coming to an end. i hate it. i dont know what to do once i'm done shooting this week. or maybe it will go on. i dont want it to go on, i dont have the money, but i do want it to go on, cus it gives my days some reason, life some path. hmm..
well i should be done with my lead actors main scenes in a day or so, after which i will hopefully be able to do other work with supporting actors.however there hasnt been much movement on that end. i hate looking at my finished script, what did i set out to do, will i get what i always intended. am i just making something inconsequential.
as these thoughts rack my head.... i look for some inner power to guide me.

maybe there is a larger,better or maybe even good purpose for my endeavour so far...or then maybe not...

day 16&17

as i write this blog today i am reminded about how lonely the job of a film-maker is. yes,lonely. its your baby and only you can bring it to life. hopefully you have given it enough to survive.
anyways,more on that maybe some other day. the past 2 days have been frustrating and fullfilling at the same time. the first day was all about a wildgoose chase for sleazt posters. to my luck there werent too many around,however the second part of the day brightened up with some good shots.
day 2 was better with me being able to can all that i wanted by mid-day. yes that was a nice feeling. have watched 2 movies these past 2 days, khatarnak and kabul xpress. less said the better.
i move into this week knowing that it will be the last one of shooting, unless i get some bright idea or unless i have trouble with other casting or locations. while i pray it will be my last week of shooting, i also hate the thought of not getting up to shoot everyday. my guess is that i will do so regardless of whether i need an actor.
anyways. let me leave you with some images from the last 2 days, as i prepare to shutdown, have lots of things on my mind right now..

cof day 15

after 2 days of rest and contemplation,today was an uncertain start.however what i assumed to be a roughish day ahead turned out to be pretty good.
travel, travel, travel for the best shot. yes thats what today was about. a whole lost of shots to can and several places to look for. it was tiring, especially cus i hadnt any sleep after last nights dinner out with friends.

man,friends...what would one do without them huh? to summarise today...
lot of effort,good gain...tomorrow is another day about worrying about other stuff.
i am getting worried about some flashback scenes i need to shoot. i need an actress and a child and a cinema theatre....i dont know when i will ever confirm them....sigh..too stuffed with chinese food right now to write anymore.

ciao

cof day 14

well we started at 330am and that took a toll on everyone as we found ourselves parked by the side of a road sleeping our asses off.
was a rough tough day with mixed results. nothing to stress about.
however there been a niggling thought at the back of my mind. apart from worrying about the fate of the film, i have also realised i am broke. as luck would have it the owner of the studio requested for the camera for two days. i let it go as i have to worry about raising more money if i have to complete shooting.
ended the day with dinner with srujan. hormuzd couldnt join in...maybe today...

day 10 to 13

god lots of things happen. i cant believe i am not taking the time to update. but still let me very briefly fill you in.
shot the climactic portions quite sucessfully. didnt imagine i would be able to pull it off. shot some early morning montages, several of them, including today. sigh i cant write more.
oh shot in the mecca masjid without a sweat. started the campaign. its been a long fucking hard day man, the traffic is killing. will be more prompt and upto date from tom onwards.
i hate the TRAFFIC, ITS KILLING ME. I DRIVE FROM ONE PART OF THE CITY TO ANOTHER. FOR ONE SHOT THRU BLOODY TRAFFIC JAMS!!!
TOO TIRED TO WRITE. MAYBE ILL JUST UPLOAD ALL MY PICS ON A WEBSITE ONE OF THESE DAYS

CIAO

day 9 rest

yeah thats it, rest day before the war continues tomorrow. its going to be a hard day on the field. i will begin shooting the important climactic scenes of the film.
the day was spent attending swaps long overdue wedding,which was simple and sweet and getting a call from my dear friend siraj.

well, i have to get back in my bunker to chart plans for tomorrows attack.hopefully i will be taking the enemy by surprise.

day 7&8

i actually did write yesterday,however my internet connection decided what i was writing wasnt worth being published. so i will quickly dwell on todays events. went all the way to anantagiri hills and back. started the morning visiting several derilict cinema theatres. anyways. we also got to watch half of sainikudu. not worth writing about.
the day ended with me and my hero discussing how we would do the climax. phew damn exciting stuff. i feel an urgency and fear in me.

maybe i am onto something good. oh yes, tom is a holiday, my good friend swaps is getting married. which leaves just me in the gang oh and siraj biddu! thanks for the company.

sigh

cof day 4,5&6

sorry but i have been crazy ass tired or lazy or both at the same time. i should be more discplined and blog daily. i promise myself to do that from tomorrow.
anyways, let me quickly summarise day 4-we did some pretty daring on the road interaction with the public and met with mixed response. satisfying. but not really what i will need.
day 5- this was also some on the road interaction with a different,probably more provocative response. i remember being too ass tired at the end of the day. i was doing all of this simply to avoid doing the actual hardcore scenes which i had been failing at the past 2 days including this one. will elaborate later or maybe not.
day 6 (today)- WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BEST DAY OF SHOOTING. MY HERO CAME ALIVE AND GAVE A FAB PERFORMANCE WHICH WILL BE REMEMBERED AND WHICH WILL FORM THE FOUNDATION OF MY FILM. man caps locks are daunting. also memorable for the day trip to nag sagar with beer etc. see you guys tom we start at lunch.

am looking fwd to the first break in a week this wednesday.swaps ki shaadi horri!

cof day 3

tough day, didnt get any better at all. started off reasonably well with the cafe scenes. but when had moved onto the next one, the performance wasnt happening,the dynamism was missing.
and thats it, my mind went blank and i drove around looking for inspiration, and founs some to shoot for the musical montage.

overall a day as bad as yesterday. did some re-thinking about the screenplay. wont be doing any scenes tomorrow. instead will be focusing on some vital link footage.
need to sleep. need to get over my growing onsecurities. the end product is always flashing in my mind. at 30% right now.
sigh....hope tomorrow will be better. a start of a new month and better fortunes and energy hopefully.
packed up 3 hours before scheduled. thats how lost i was.

cof day 2

it has been the most dissatisfying and testing day so far. i was already exhausted even before we started. i think the lack of sleep caught up with me. i cant take my fat body for granted anymore. fuck it man.
we started on time. and headed off to satyam theatre where we canned shots. i was pleased with the result, but wanted more so we headed towards imax. the result was...i think average. something inside me is dis-satisfied.
with no more pucca plans, we headed to medhcal to can scenes for the musical montage. again was not particularly happy.
overall a hard reality checking day. have promised myself to be better focussed tomorrow.
will get back to the script, i have lofty ambitions of shooting 2 scenes perfectly and maybe, just maybe re-shoot one of todays scenes.
lets see. i think i want more from my actor, i dont know if he is delivering, i can only judge when i get to see the results on the edit later this week.

oh the bright spot , were some comments made by sudhir mishra on the state of indian cinema, so much of what he said is in my movie (i think). that sort of helped me.
ciao.

c.o.f day 1

terrible start to the day. was at the studio on the dot at 7,but had to wait a good 3 hours before i could get started. the camera assistant and the tapes we needed never turned up. i almost decided to cancle shooting for the day.
but my patience paid off in the end.

we finally assembled at my place at 1030 and began shooting. and boy was it tough going, we didnt stop until 2pm. we made like 20 takes for the complex intro shot of the hero. and i must admit, i had moments of self doubt right through, sometimes i would cringe at my dialogue and at other times i didnt like the way i was shooting it. kamal had a lot of work to do. we all sweated in out. by 415pm i decided we had enough and ventured out in the car to can one more scene. which went better than i thought it would.
so to sum it up. was an unpleasant start to a rough day, i am somewhat satisfied, but i am also confident i will feel better as the days roll by. i need to keep the focus.
kamal is staying over since we have an early start tomorrow. and it should be tougher than today. too tired to write more. need to work on the script.
bye for now.

eve of the confession

22 days ago i first wrote saying i am doing this project. since then a lot of stuff has gone under the bridge. from being undecided about how or what to do with the subject matter, to asking myself a million times whether all of this is actually worth to, to questioning my ability about tackling such a subject, to fretting about the effort,time etc that it will take,to having to iron out all the financial aspects (am still doing that) etc etc.
whats funny is i am making this film for a zero/manageable budget of 500rs a day max. but the timing of all these creditors asking their payments really rattled me.
that hasnt been solved yet, and i must admit 8 hours before i get ready with the setup,thats my main worry.
however for my part, for tomorrows shoot i havent prepared too much mentally. i have decided to give in to chaos and inner feeling. i am not going to let an invisible pressure get to me. my focus will be only on quality not quantity on a per day basis.

right i dont feel like writing too much. i have spent a good amount of time thinking and dreaming about the results rather than the tougher aspect of actually shooting. i am going to start with that now.
hopefully you must be reading a more cheerful me tomorrow.

adios amigo, i am off to war.

confessions of a filmmaker

alright then. its been a while since i updated this blog. i have been busy writing my screenplay,which is pretty much done with right now.
i am ecstatic and nervous, because the time has come now to make the movie. i plan on starting next week. i cant believe i am finally doing it.

yes people, i am making a movie. to start with, i have to say this, i have been damn lucky to get a crew who understand and support me pretty quickly. and better still, someone has agreed to lend me their camera and edit suite free of cost until i make some money (if i do) from this film.
WHICH IS JUST SIMPLY FANTASTIC FOR ME.

lots of things have been happening simultaneously, i dont think i will do justice to my feelings by trying to write any of them. importantly, i am making the film. its going to be a low key affair,experimentative...lets see how it goes. phew
what else, oh yeah, i am extremely happy with the way the script has turned out, its defineltely original and thought provoking. its also provacative and debatable. all this on the script level.narrative feedbacks have been very encouraging. and i am thrilled with my choice of music.

ofcurse because of the sensitive nature of the subject matter, i wont elaborate further right now. but i must say this....

i know how a kamikaze pilot feels. he's either going to come out looking stupid or a hero.
for my sake i hope its the latter.

my good wishes are with me. cheerio for now.
am preparing for a rehearsal this sunday at home.

ciao.

p.s i am more confident than the image attached above :)

filmi plots

so everyone is grabbing plots of land supposedly being handed out by the producers council or is it someother body. well who cares.
so yes everyone is rushing to stand in line,grab application forms for plots of land which are being doled out to everyone who has a 'card'. so everyone from top notch directors/producers/actors/makeupmen/setassistants is rushing to get their piece of their cake.
apparently application forms are so mush in demand, they are also being sold in black and there are 'brokers' who have appeared from nowehere doing deals. hmm...
ok, why am i not rushing.
why should i? this is going to have an ending like a bad telugu movie (or every telugu movie) there will be bloodshed,tears and chest beating....

AND THE HERO, YES THE HERO WILL WALK AWAY WITH THE HEROINE(PLOT). WHILE EVERYONE WHO IS AN EXTRA WILL DO WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO...
KEEP LOOKING.

a confession

there have been worries about whether i can make the film. i guess such anxiety is common.but if i look a little closer, the anxiety stems from the fact that i have to ensure a quality product.
i am extremely excited about the opening sequence and also about the general modus operandi.

an announcement, the film is called 'confessions of a filmmaker'. i am extremely happy with this. whether i find a telugu equivalent is immaterial.
my find is a buzz with a lot of stuff, its best that i put off writing for a bit.

cheerio.
p.s i just decided to go to kerala. i want to finish writing there.i must go back to my personal alma mater.that trip has me buzzing.

gut feeling and mentors

my gut feeling is my mentor feels this project is foolhardy. granted it is. it is the most insane thing. remember i questioned myself, i question myself again.
yes this film must be made. it will be made. and it will be seen and lambasted by the telugu film press and the industry and i will be banished for life.
but then i would have won.
i want to proove my deepest fears wrong. i want to proove to myself that this is worth the effort.
a message for my lead actor, the more i think of the subject, the more its dawning on me that the story will run on your shoulders and performance. i think i might have made a mistake of assuming that this film will have two clear halves. what is emerging from my thought process is that,this will have two colours. i will explain later.let me keep thinking

cheerio. my best wishes are with me.

the lead actor

like i mentioned in my previous post, i was going to meet my main lead actor today. before i continue i must mention,this has been an eventful day. a lot of things have come around very well.
most importantly my own internal debate which i started myself today morning, and then later with my 1st AD and now with my main lead actor.
wait a minute, let me be a little more clear before i proceed.
i have had an internal debate for a while now about the need to make PROJECT TC. yes i have no doubt now in my mind that it must be made. while i am not completely sure about how my mentor feels about the, the couple of people who are in on the project strongly support my desire to make this film.
am i just being vengful for every bad experience i have had. maybe or maybe not, but cannot be denied is that this film must be made. and that is enough to motivate me towards the greater good of making this film.
now coming back to my actor. at this point it wont be smart for me to detail too much, but he is someone i have come to know and like over a period of time and i have always thought of him for this role. luckily for me, he matches my vibe. he is among all of us on the team, the guy who will stand to loose the most if the movie is a sensation (which i know it will be).
readers probably are wondering, what the hell is this bugger even talking about, isnt he going around circles and not taking us anywhere.

yes i am. for my own safety and the projects.
until later.

my best wishes are with me. cheerio.;