a truthful confession

this was the most emotional trying day in a long time for me. and not because of anything sad. but because i had to face a lot of self assesment situations and give a lot of long overdue sentiments. shit i hate my phrasing sometimes. i cant seem to help the jibberish.lets move to the next paragraph. (did someone say 'technology at the speed of though'?) ok i'll shut up and move to the next para..

this was the most emotionally trying days for me in a long time.

i talked about my film at length for the first time with my dear friend siraj, and in the process, understood myself and my film better. ironical did you say? well no, my humble adivise, and i'm not sri sri ravi sankar or deepak chopra....but try and talk about your...oh shit my mom just came upstairs to say that she has never in her life seen me behave the way i just did....sigh....fuck i'm digressing (is that even the right spelling?). let me try again...

this was an interesting day for me today. its been 2 whole days of absolutely no editing, for no fault of mine. it just so happens the studio is busy, because some big ass lady politician wants to promote telangana videos sitting her ass in chennai. and what am i, when it comes to priority...nothing. (did i tell you, 'confessions of a politician' is my next film, i'm not even kidding, it'll have a huge budget and shit).

anyways.... so 2 days of no editing. bad. because i feel like i have let my baby daughter stranded in a creche. and i miss her. i want to see her as soon as possible. my heart aches to see those familiar visuals and silly dialougue floating across the screen and into my heart, bringing a flutter of familiar feeling. the most bestest feeling of all...the feeling of feeling familiar and at home with your creation. that bond.so much like family,friends and loves.

anyways, i am digressing again.

i was chatting with siraj over drinks tonight, about wonderful stuff like the world and how we see it and where we want to time travel etc. and we finally settled on gentler turf, like my film confessions of a film-maker.

confessions, i was saying to him....is also a synonym for truth.

now that strangely was a revelation to me because i hadnt thought of it like that until one peg down. the truth people. my film is about the truth. its not packaged like all sensible and illogical films are....packaged with drama,emotion,heroics,flashy camera and edits,soaring music,mushy moments,skimpy women......my film has none of that...and therefore i beg you not to judge it by those barometers.

not only does my film not have all of the above, its all so deeply personal and cathartic, that it will take a lot of patience and balance of mind to truly appreciate what my film is about....now please i dont mean to be mean or insulting by saying that....all i'm saying is....

my film is only about the truth, as i see it and as it is. cut and dry. simple and straight. so plain, so simple, so truthful. i pre-decided when i started out, that what i was making was more than just a film in the conventional sense.....simply put...its something similar to what jerry maguire might have documented in that movie...remember the intial scene in the movie....when in a burst of inspiration he writes something like a vision statement....and then gets fired the next day....well i bet what he wrote might have had a lot to say....but it still got him fired because people didnt like it.

i think my film is like that...its so boringly,simplingly truthful....it WILL NOT APPEAL to anyone. and if it does....well thats a small miracle.

we arent used to being told about things which are truthful, not revlotionary mind you...we dont see cinema, where truth is the genre...its always, like say movies about jfk or gandhi...supposed truth which is packaged....its also a truth which is motivational....

my film is a truth which is, pretty much what you get...imagine this...i think my audience is the priest who sits to listen to a confessional....its as plain and simple as that...how you react or judge it is upto you....

but i ask you this....dont judge the truth...you can either accept it or reject it.....dont judge it...

i have to say this....and i will say it just once on this blog....my film shouldnt be judged, because if i wanted it to be judged then i would have made it differently.....but if you simply want a testimonial of someone about his life in the movies....then you'll see the point....otherwise you will plainly reject it....

my film doesnt want to move mountains, let alone humans...its only wants to act as a testimony to someones feelings...thats it, thats my film...