One last confession....

It’s a little over 2 weeks since COF released online. Its been something alright. Initially I just caved in to the pressure and the comments. I didn’t know how to react and sort of went into a shell. Also what was bothering me was I never had a chance to sit back and just enjoy the fact that I’d released my movie. There was tremendous backend support work which I had to do and am still doing.
I understood what it takes to have a pay-movie-site….things go wrong…people don’t get passwords….they don’t know how to login…there are video buffering problems,all kind of shit happens, I have had customers call me direct to my house…etc etc.
Through all of this I was trying to upload a higher quality video…but have failed so far…the uploads speeds just aren’t good enough here in India…but that’s alright.Anyways….so, it took a couple of weeks for everything to be streamlined….and now with almost minimal backend support, the movie is doing fine, no great!…

Its a small piece of history, maybe in telugu cinema, if not Indian cinema...a full length feature film...shot on hi-definition....
it had a blog running, building a community around it....released trailers on youtube and finally released the film itself on the web....small but siginificant....I wonder who can claim to have made some decent money on something like this too?
Meanwhile, its been wonderful connecting with every single person who has paid and watched my movie….thats a privilege very few filmmakers have….its also a privilege to hear the choicest abuses right at your face….but the compliments that come through, more than make up for the former. :)

Anyways….so, it took a couple of weeks for everything to be streamlined….and now with almost minimal backend support, the movie is doing fine, no great!
The feedback I have been getting has been tremendous….people have either loved it or hated it….and that’s fine…I have tried to write back to most of them…
The number of hits has been gratifying,overwhelming…..33,000 hits at the time of writing….thats great!...
ofcourse a small percentage of people have decided to pay $5 and watch too…. I’ll keep you guessing on the actual number :)….but I’ll admit its enough to pay off my credit card bills for now….I know for a fact that 1 out of 5 people have shared passwords...which is great for the movie...not that great for my purse though :) oh well, you win some you loose some,right?

So yes….what does a filmmaker go through once his film is released huh? Well I think its unique in each case….I believe my movie has been a success, more for me personally…I made a movie…I said what I had to say…and I got a few people to watch it…and some of them loved it….thats good enough for me…for now.
Made on a budget of 4.5lakhs, in 30 days….shooting for not more than 4 hours each day…editing and other post work for nearly 3-4 months, depending on when studios were free…I feel vindicated whenever I read or hear from someone who has understood the movie and what it stood for….I have put a lot more at stake professionally than financially.

In the PFC community, I would like to thank ‘Striker’ and ‘OM’….the very first reviews which came out were from them….their views and thoughts gave me a lot of confidence in the initial days….when more such reviews poured in, I felt vindicated.

And ofcourse, OZ….thanks for just having the vision to build a site like this….What a community of people these are….what a collective passion for cinema!. By taking up a cause like ‘confessions’ and several others, you truly stand by what you say your site is all about.
lol...this is beginning to sound like an award acceptance speech....so yeah, I'll continue..stop the music, let me finish...

thanks to everyone at PFC....we may not know each other by faces....but we know each other by our collective passions for cinema.
thanks to everyone who followed my blog....you didnt know me or my film then....but decided to spend some time on it.
thanks to everyone who wished me well....every great review and every bad review....if someone feels for your movie....good or bad....its an honour either ways.
thanks to my friends and family....for not questioning why I decided to do this...and supporting me all the way through.
thanks to anurag kashyap...I dont know you personally and I dont think you have watched it...but your outlook on cinema has been inspiring to me...a scene in my movie was based on your feelings.
(PFC viewers take the trouble to guess which one :))
thanks to kamal, for living the role and carrying the film on his shoulders....(remember guys, just one actor in a movie and 1hr:45mins, its not as easy as it sounds,its fucking tough.)

and finally....
thanks to our constitutional right to freedom of speech and expression, for which PFC and my blog is evidence of...

ciao.
for now...
Anish Kuruvilla

sigh

I really dont know what to write. On the one hand, I am really happy my movie is released. I am also really satisfied with the feedback I have recieved. I mean its all cool. Lots of people watched...some money earnt....good.

but what really saddens me....is I have been unable to do anything about getting a high quality video out like I thought I could....
its too....its really dis-heartening....
my film was shot on hi-definition....and I have to make to with some really poor quality video....sigh.

anyways.....thats been hardest to deal with....I am still trying to see what I can do...its not that getting a high quality file is tough....but getting it uploaded with the shitty upload speeds I have here....thats a nightmare....
all this tech shit, has taken out the maaza from me completly....

anyways...I will write later....yet another weekend gone by, where I haven't been able to do what I want.....

A GRAPH SPEAKS A MILLION WORDS

This is whats been happening at my site since the 15th of June 07.

:)

DOWN BUT NOT OUT!

Its been terrible. First I thought I had only video problems. I got that sorted out in time.Now something in the 'code' gave in....we did a million tests earlier...and it was working fine....
but then....whatever.

we have found the problem...fixing it will take a couple of hours from now...and then the website will be up again..
its sheer hard luck....and i am trying not to get too worked up about it....
i hope i can bring back my audience to watch my film....

now is not the time to crib and complain...i am just waiting for my film to come out...and then i'll be a free man.

p.s users who have paid and are worried about pwd expiry...not to worry, i'll be fixing it. sorry for the HUGE KLPD!

ITS SHOWTIME SOON!

Ok, so in a few hours from now my film will be ready for the world to see. I am relieved...finally all that I have been talking about is here.I am also relieved that I don't need to write or talk about this anymore...I think my film will do that for me...

There are a lot of mixed feelings. I am a little sad, that I am unable to show audiences the movie in the high definition format that this film was shot on. The internet movie version DOES NO JUSTICE to the original cinematography in the film. You might understand what I am saying after you watch the film.We still have a few years to go before high definition images on the internet becomes a regular feature. Atleast here in India.
I am happy, my film is called "Confessions of a Filmmaker-Naa Video Diary"....one thing the film will deliver on is...LIVING UPTO THE TITLE....
I mean REALLY live upto the title... :)

Like any filmmaker, I am nervous about audience reactions. But what has to be has to be....I hope none of you ever feel it wasn't worth your time and money. That's important for me.

Have a good time watching it....and please spread the word about the film. I wouldn't mind some money coming my way.... :)

See you all today evening, 18:00hrs EST

Eve of the release, too much stress

Its been a tough past week, everything that had to go wrong, has gone wrong...the film was to be uplinked on the server by now...but I am still struggling to do that...
with the monsoons, erratic power and possibly everything else that can hinder the release of my film...every fucking thing is going wrong....I really dont know whats going to happen....

just uploading the film will take me a good 20hrs...encoding before that (which failed once) will take another 20hrs....theoritically at the time of writing this, I can still make it...

but the reality is something else....
trying to keep calm....lets see what destiny has in store for me, after all this time....

any regrets... too early to tell

p.s the pic above clearly depicts everything I am going through....

ITS JUNE15TH FOLKS, MAKE OR BREAK

THATS IT...I'M NOT GONNA BE WRITING HERE FOR A BIT...OR MAYBE I WILL...OR MAYBE I WONT....
BUT ANYWAYS....THE POINT IS...THE BIG DAY IS ON THE 15TH OF JUNE 07 RIGHT HERE....WELL ALMOST....

@ WWW.CONFESSIONSOFAFILMMAKER.COM FOLKS.

REGISTER....PAY AND WATCH MY MOVIE...PLEASE :)AND PLEASE USE THE MSG BOARD ON THAT SITE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS.

WILL BE BACK SOON, RANTING AND RAVING AS USUAL...
NOT TO WORRY

what have i been upto?

THIS HAS PROBABLY BEEN THE LONGEST BREAK I EVER TOOK BETWEEN POSTS...SO WHAT HAVE I BEEN UPTO?

I HAVE BEEN GETTING READY TO RELEASE MY FILM ON THE INTERNET.
YES, THATS RIGHT, LIKE I ALREADY MENTIONED A FEW TIMES BEFORE...WORK HAS BEEN PROGRESSING SMOOTHLY...AND THE FILM WILL BE READY FOR AN INTERNET EXCLUSIVE RELEASE SOMETIME THIS MONTH.....

MEANWHILE, IF THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE OUT THERE, WHO CONTINUE TO COME OVER TO THIS SITE, I APOLOGISE FOR NOT KEEPING YOU UPDATED...I WILL TRY AND WRITE MORE REGULARLY...BUT ITS JUST THAT...ALL THE WORK THAT THIS EVENT NEEDS IS TAKING UP ALL MY TIME...AND LEAVING VERY LITTLE TO WRITE AS I ANXIOUSLY WAIT FOR THE RELEASE DATE...

http://www.confessionsofafilmmaker.com/

....IS THE URL WHICH WILL FWD YOU TO MY NEW WEBSITE....PLEASE KEEP CHECKING IN ON IT WHENEVER POSSIBLE FOR THE RELEASE DATES.....

MEANWHILE PL SPREAD THE WORD AROUND ABOUT THE WEBSITE....I NEED AN AUDIENCE ON RELEASE DAY AND AM TRYING MY BEST TO SPREAD THE WORD.

LET ME TAKE THIS OPPURTUNITY TO INTRODUCE ALL OF YOU TO ANOTHER GROUP OF ROCKERS...THIS TIME ITROCKERZ.....THE GUYS BEHIND DEVELOPING MY WEBSITE....
IF THIS WORKS...WE WOULD HAVE CREATED CINEMA HISTORY....I WANT TO PROOVE THAT THE INTERNET IS DEFINETLY A VIABLE OPTION FOR THE SMALL TIME FILMMAKER.......

P.S please watch this space, i will be posting regularly from now on...

THE MUSIC OF COF, AN INTERNET EXCLUSIVE

Hi guys, the road towards the internet movie release of the COF is clear. Work is progressing smoothly on that front and hopefully I should have an announcement to make in a few days.
Meanwhile I have decided to showcase the music of COF.

The theme and an additional number were composed by a Hyderabad based band called EXAbyssus.

You can download the music directly from the links below. For those not too familiar with rapidshare downloads, after pasting the link on the URL bar,hit enter, scroll down and click 'free', it brings you to another page where you type in the SPAM code given to you and then simply click download.simple right?

these are the links:
http://rapidshare.com/files/34053751/02_Track_02.mp3
http://rapidshare.com/files/34052142/01_Track_01.mp3

EXCLUSIVE INTERNET RELEASE OF 'COF'

Like I briefly mentioned in my earlier posts, I have plans to get this film across to people.

COF will premiere exclusively on the internet in a BIG WAY, 'sometime' in june.

I am a little guarded about the exact date, since work is still being done on a special portal being designed for the same.
I will look to everyone who writes in my blog to spread the word about the release, once the official dates are out and do all that they can to make sure everyone they know watches it....thats what I need from you guys...

It will be a pay site and I am doing all that I can do, legally and technically to curb piracy.
Well I will have more updates in the days to come...

meanwhile keep the flame burning...

THE CHENNAI ONLINE.COM REVIEW

A movie on making a movie News
Anish Kuruvilla, who played the hero’s brother in Sekhar Kammula’s Telugu film 'Anand', has made a 90-minute film, 'Confessions of a Film-maker: Naa Video Diary’.

The film is all about a guy who loses faith in the system and culture prevailing in the Telugu film industry after failing to direct a film in the last minute despite being in the industry for 10 years.
The film is made with a crew of only three, including Anish, who wore different hats as a scriptwriter, cinematographer, director and producer. Kamala Kumara, who played a supporting role in 'Godavari', played the main lead in the film and came out with an impressive performance.

The film talks about how the people in the industry make use of aspiring directors as pimps and how Telugu films are becoming a reflection of sex. It documents the 10 days in the life of an aspiring doctor who commits suicide at the end of the 10th day after editing all that has been shot.
The film received big applause from the audience and was hailed as a bold step. Anish Kuruvilla has been associated with director Sekhar Kammula from his 'Dollar Dreams' days and has been a co-director and executive producer for all of Sekhar Kammula’s films including the latest one, 'Happy Days'.

"It is a small budget film. If I have to go for theatrical release, I will definitely have to spend more than what I spent for the film," he said.
Though Anish said the release of the film depends on the feedback after the screening, he said he was not going to release it after the screening but assured that he will release it in DVD format. "Though it can't bring change in the prevailing culture in the industry, it encourages one to speak up," opines Anish.

The best thing is that he assured that in future, if he makes any films, he would be bound by his 'Confessions of a Film-maker: Naa Video Diary’.
Though he is just 30 years old, the understanding he has about films is astounding. Though many didn't agree with the film targeting a few in the industry, it was appreciated.

We can see in the film the lead character holding placards at various places in the city, reading, 'Cinema will die if nepotism lives', 'Open your eye for a better cinema', 'Respect our time and money', 'Film-press stop lying'.
The movie talks about how the directors, despite being the creators of a film, have become pawns in the hands of a few influential directors and heroes.

Though people from the film fraternity like Gunnam Gangaraju, Sekhar Kammula, R Narayana Murthy and Tammareddy Bharadwaja, attended the screening, they were tight-lipped when it came to giving their comments.

P Haribabu


MAN THIS GUYS INTERPRETATION IS SO FLAWED...BUT WHAT THE HELL, A REVIEW IS A REVIEW...ANISH

Music release plans.

The theme music and video, specially shot for 'confessions of a filmmaker' will be available on the net in a matter of days.
The music was composed by one of hyderabad's most influential rock bands-'EXABYSSUS'.
I am truly proud of their work and I think you'll agree when you hear it yourself.

I am also excited knowing that I am bringing my film one step closer to everyone. Its all a matter of time...

RELEASE PLAN OF 'C.O.F'

I HAVE BEEN BUSY GETTING TOGETHER A RELEASE PLAN FOR C.O.F. WHILE IT WILL BEGIN MAKING THE FESTIVAL ROUTE FROM NEXT MONTH. I PLAN ON GETTING THE FILM OUT IN SOME FORM OR THE OTHER FOR THE OVERSEAS VIEWER BY JUNE....I ALSO HAVE THE SAME PLANS FOR VIEWERS IN INDIA.

WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ONCE I HAVE THE DATES SET.

just thought i'd share that with everyone.

CELEBRATING My 100th post, a poem written for me and my film.

Hello Anish
I havent seen your movie, but after seeing the promos and various reviews on your blogsite, pfc and youtube....I really think you have tried something.
All I can wish you is best of luck and I have written a poem for you titled---- "confessions of a film maker"

Confessions of a Filmmaker ---Prashu (Prashanth Mahagaonkar)

I walked once
just once
with thousand of heels
through mirages of reels

I met a few
just a few
who counted my steps
with taps and claps

I shivered once
just once
when eyes stared
and future glared

I felt the dew
yes, the dew
caressing my fears
stopping my tears

I gave birth
birth at last
to what I feel and see
in this vicious sea

Will I live?
Will my voice live?
my few will decide the ends
for they are my friends


best of luck anish
Prashu

Prashanth Mahagaonkar
Research Fellow
Entrepreneurship,Growth and Public Policy
Max Planck Institute of Economics

CINEGOERS.COM REVIEW

There is very little in Na Video Diary that we have not seen before (I remember watching a cross over film The Missed Call during the Film Fest) and yet it works, partly because the formula is simply so strong that it’s like you’d have to work doubly hard to break it, partly because the person in the director’s chair knows how to make a good reality cum parody fest and here the parody is smarter than the Telugu film industry that he is mocking.

However, if you aren’t hunting for a towering work of genius, and want to watch a good raw flick that is not regular, but makes you think of the kind of cinema you were being fed with all these years, then this is what you need. Kamal Kamaraju takes you through ten days of his life, and gives you a peep into the frustrations of a filmmaker who eventually shoots himself after the industry turns its back on him.

A man of self respect, a wannabe director Kamal portrays the angst of a man deprived of luck and opportunity in his life. He talks of the Babudom, the rampant sycophancy of the actors, actresses, their fake lives, the unwinding work in Krishna Nagar and Indira Nagar, the fans associations, the glorification of stars and the treatment and status accorded to directors in the industry.

The one and a half hour film doesn’t scandalise you with the liberty with which Anish, the director uses expletives. It makes every film journalist who writes review or an article with a commercial interest, every actor/actress who revels in the star status, the indulgence with which they are treated hide their faces in shame. If the Censor Board doesn’t release, it will be one missed opportunity to bring something new to a tired genre.

Posted by Y. Sunita Chowdhary

GREATANDHRA.COM REVIEW

We have witnessed 'Naa Video Diary'- Confessions of the film maker, the boldest movie ever made in the history of 75-year old-Telugu film industry.

How a film maker goes bold and uses his Freedom of Expression completely? How a film maker used filthiest language in the film to make it natural? What is the meaning of being non-hypocritical? How are the things moving in Film industry? We can understand everything watching this mind-blowing revolutionary film.

Well, it was made by Aneesh, the close pal of Sekhar Kammula. Kamal Kamaraj (paired up with Neetu Chandra in Godavari) acted in the film. It's the film that was made on the 'confessions of a film maker'.

Story Line:

An aspiring director spends 10 years of time in film industry struggling to find a chance. But he finds nothing. He wants to commit suicide. Then out of frustration he makes a film of his own by asking his friend to shoot him for 10 days naturally. All that he speaks will be recorded in that.

What's recorded?

The aspiring director says many things about film industry and its celebrities.

Here are a few snippets out of his speech in unedited mode.

"What's this film industry? People come here with high aspirations imagining many things and start staying in Krishna Nagar.
"Who are these Babus? Were does this word come from? Always the directors who work with these so-called babus enquire, 'Babu Garu lecharaa"", etc etc. What do these Babus do? We know a babu who feels he is a great actor. He knows no acting other than shouting 'hehe he ..oho oho ho' (the name of this hero is not used directly)"

"Do you know why Sunil, Venu Madhav and all call heroes anna, babai and all? That's for security. If they find no films in future they can rely on these babais and annas to put them in their films on obligation. It's a hypocritical field".

"Some heroes say that there is acting in their blood. If there is acting in blood, what would be there in uchcha?"

A scene was shown this way: Beside the hoarding of Chiranjeevi's Charitable Trust, a placard is placed mentioned, "Open Your Eyes For Better Movies". That is the satire thrown on Chiranjeevi.

He hasn't spared any hero in this 95 minute film.

The film was screened last night (12th May) in Prasad's labs to which Tammareddy Bharadwaja, Gunnam Gangaraju, R Narayana Murthy, IMAX Prasad, Madhura Entertainment Sridhar, Sekhar Kammula and many journalists had made their presence.

Aneesh said that it is the first and last show in theater.

He also said that he is not going to release this film outside as the censor would cut the film to 9 minutes if attempted doing so.

A young female journalist asked, "Aneesh! It would had been better had you cut down the dialogues with words like gudda and sallu". (Yes! The journalist too asked boldly literally uttering the words loudly)

Gunnam Gangaraju also questioned the same.

Aneesh said that he wanted to showcase the film naturally without any filter.

Aneesh said that he is going to send that to censor in USA and release there in the form of DVDs. The full-version of the film also discussed about castiesm in film industry it seems.

The film was made in 5 days (it was made in 28 days! this writer didnt check facts with me) and made the audiences sit attentive to every second of it. Aneesh says that he plans to sell internet rights of this film.

(Review Report drafted by SiraSri- can be reached at sirasri@gmail.com)

THE TOTAL TOLLYWOOD.COM REVIEW

Confessions of a film maker is written, directed and produced by Anish. Though there are a few characters in the film, the only lead role in the film is done by Kamal Kamaraju. The film is about an aspiring film maker's take on how the film industry is now mafia-like. It tries to show the frustration of an aspiring film maker in the present scenario of film industry.

The film starts off with a note that a dead body is found on a staircase. It is identified to be that of Kamal Kamaraju's and the mode of death is suicide. Kamal records the last 10 days of his life and makes it as a video diary. This is recovered from his belongings after his suicide. There are instructions on how to edit the video and that is what is the rest of the film.

Kamal Kamaraju gave excellent performance in the role of Kamal Kamaraju himself. Frustration, agony, hopelessness, helplessness kind of expressions are consistent on his face and body language. Kamal and director Anish have got some guts in making this film. The content of the film is bold, starking reality, thought provoking, opiniated and abusive.

Director Kamal in the film has a great script but he fails several attempts to launch it as a film. He is frustrated because he has been working in the industry for the last 10 years and has been in good books with many makers as a hard worker. Yet, his film never kicks off. The reason, he attributes, is that the industry is run by stars rather than creators. 'That is why we dont see original scripts', claims the film.
Nepotism, mediocrity are the main targets of attack in the film. The script comments on almost all the top stars and recently released films. There is no beating around the bush for these comments. The comments are very specific and can be easily associated with those stars and those movies. The film also tries to discuss on how the present generation of films are sowing bad seeds in children's minds. 'A is for Adults in the entire world but here A is for all' kind of slogans (referring to A certificate) read strikingly in the film.

Leaving content aside, Anish did a good job with the making of the film. Novelty - is the word here. From the word go, the film narrates in a different style. The camera always focussed on one character narrating 10 days of his life. Run time of the film is 90 minutes and the audience are glued to the seats for the entire time. However, there are a few parts in the film that were dragged a bit. Some trimming could have worked better.

The side of the coin that I liked in this film is the guts of the makers, few facts spoken, a different movie, Kamal's performance and the tribute paid to classic movies. The other side of it is the abusive language, opiniated message and no proper justification for the frustration of the director. He loses his heart with just an attempt? And though the film runs a disclaimer that it is strictly for people older than 18, the language used in the film is still unacceptable.

The film shows lot of frustration. Lots and lots of it. He shows his frustration on the film stars ('Stop making films for yourselves'), media ('Stop Lying') and the audience. But is it in the right direction? Film 'Industry' is about entertainment business. There is lot of money, livelihood and sustainance involved in this business. The makers have their own graph in doing a film. For example, compare the openings of a debut film of a superstar's son and that of a new debut hero. That should prove the point. It is the human tendency. If Tata brand released a new car and some tom dick and harry company released almost the same car, which one would you buy?
The argument can continue against the content on the above lines. Some of the points raised in the film might be valid. At the same time, they can be argued against from any view point. That is why the Confessions of a film maker comes with some bold (frustrated) reality but is also strongly opiniated. One more thing I accept with the director is 'No one should be bigger than cinema. Cinema should be bigger than those involved'.

(As told by the director, this could be the first and last screening. The film might release on DVD soon and also might be telecasted on some websites).

THE TELUGUCINEMA.COM REVIEW

Anish Kuruvilla, executive producer for Anand and Godavari, has made a 90 minute English and Telugu film titled – Naa Video Diary (Confessions of a filmmaker in English). It is set against film world especially Telugu cinema industry. The film has not yet cleared by the Censor Board; I believe it won’t be passed either. It was shown to the media and other selected persons at Prasad Preview theatre on Saturday (May 12, 2007).

Naa Video Dairy is more of a documentary than a film. Na Video Diary is essentially about Kamal Kamaraju (played by the actor by the same name. He is second lead in Godavari), a wannabe director’s vengeance against the star system in Telugu films, the nepotism, the fans culture, babugiri, etc. Such things are also dealt by Vamsi in Sitara and Krishnavamsi in Khadgam.

But Anish’s film is totally different. It is direct scathing attack on the system. He parodies, criticizes the stars by calling their names directly and attacks with expletive words. Shocking and outrageous at times, the film raises valid points and yet it doesn’t enlighten us. Moreover the narrative mode that he has chosen is also very modern (though such kind of films are nothing new those who are aware of world cinema). But you can’t completely agree with the film.

The protagonist who shoots himself (by a pistol) after he is ‘disgusted’ with the industry shoots his ‘story’ for 10 days. Each day is shown to us and in between he ‘confesses’ about his experiences and his general observations about Telugu film industry. In the process he attacks on Chiranjeevi, Nagarjuna, Balakrishna, Venkatesh, NTR Jr, and Mahesh Babu (indirectly), Telugu heroines, producers and film press.

Some of his comments are go like this (I have avoided filthy language that he has used)

1. Here everyone calls a hero Babu. That means we are naukris of the stars

2. The star sons proclaim that acting is in thier blood. How can blood possess acting, yaar?

3. Nepotism rules. Chiranjeevi’s brother Pawan Kalyan came and a whole
others from the family have come now. From NTR family, Balakrishna, NTR Jr and From Akkineni family, Nagarjuna, Sumanth..etc

4. Pokes fun at acting styles of stars

Some of his placards (the scene of placards is superb technically and cinematically though), inserted comments, some of protagonist’s dialogues go like these..

1. The hero stands in front of Chiranjeevi Blood and Eye Bank and his placard says, “Open up your eyes for good cinema.”

2. Vajrotsavam = Bullshitotsavam

3. If I am shot, you know whom to blame..(it is about Balakrishna)

4. Are Movies made for us or for themselves?

5. Watching films may not be the best orgasm, it makes them get off.

6. Why don’t our filmmakers make films to that standard of world cinema

Anish points seem justifiable but they are contradictory in nature and perceived in myopic view and at times look perverted (pointing middle finger, using F word).

The film is technically superb. The editing and camera work is amazing. With liberal usage of several songs from all the musicians from Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan to Rehman, the music also is highly enriching. Anish really have knack for making audiences sit through the film. His dialogues are powerful and makes us think. His dialogues so casual and yet poetic in serious situations. As a director he shows promise as taking style is of superior quality.

It is tough for a single actor to carry off the entire film on his shoulders for 90 minutes. Kamal Kamalraj has done terrific job. It is clear that he has worked hard physically too for this film – he is shown as bald, with lengthy beard and with clean shave in the film in various stages. Kamal has shown the variations. His dialogue delivery is also very powerful.

The film gives some laughs as it is raw and totally earthy. But it is not genius work nor it is a path breaking film as it made out to be. The film’s hero fails to get a ‘break’ even after 10 years of experience and graduating to executive producer. So it is a loser’s anguish. It is his problem but the loser makes sweeping comments.

As I am coming out of Prasad’s preview theatre, a friend of mine who also watched made a comment - “Neeku kadupu noppi vaste, nannu tablets vesumantavenduku.” Yes, that sums up it.

The director should know that..

1. He should be remembered that Chiranjeevi had also done some meaningful cinema like Manchu Pallaki, Aaradhana, Rudraveena (he also produced it) earlier. It is not that he doesn’t have taste for good cinema.

2. People don’t come to have orgasm, man. Naval gazing is not sin as you made out to be. In Hollywood and matured World Cinema, they go further and show heroines naked.

3. Yes, quality of Telugu films is not good. It is not discussed in festivals circuit and world cinema. But why don’t make them yourself? If we send your Godavari and Anand to international film festivals they laugh at them too. It would have been good if you made such films and made comments. Any person can comment on the standards of Telugu cinema, and trying to make it good is welcomed by everyone but deriving enjoyment by making perverted comments on stars is highly deplorable.

4. The protagonist in your film makes heroes and producers as buffoons and undisciplined guys. What about directors. Aren’t they directors who make films going over budget? Many of them promise moon and dish out ‘Sh..”. It would have been if you have talked about them.

P.S: A placard says, "Press, stop lying." So we are not lying here. We have written what we felt.

By Navya Vaitla

THE IDLEBRAIN REVIEW

jeevi rating: Not Applicable
Punchline: brave attempt
Genre: Parallel
Banner: Kuruvilla Films

Cast: Kamal Kamaraju

Story, screenplay, direction, producer: Anush Kuruvilla
Release Date: NA

Story
The Confessions of a filmmaker (Naa Video Diary) is an autobiography of a person who is about to die within 10 days. This film goes on a flashback narrative style. Kamal Kamaraju (Kamal Kamaraju) is in the Telugu film industry for the past 10 years working for various Telugu blockbusters under direction department. He is the frustrated by the way Telugu films are being made and also gets ditched by his girl friend. He calls his pal and ask him to shoot him for a self-made documentary where he records his moments for the last 10 days. The rest of the story is about how he expresses his personal experiences with the film industry.

Positive points:
1. The director used a digital handycam (high definition one) to shoot the entire film. It is a fresh beginning in Telugu film industry as it gives an opportunity for the director wannabes to shoot their films in shoe-string budget using digital cameras.
2. The basic intention of making the film is good. The director succeeded in expressing what he wanted to tell.
3. The film has only one character in the entire film. Kamal Kamaraju exhibited entire gamut of emotions successfully.
4. The episodes in which Kamal criticizes Telugu film industry and displays placards are good.
5. Director took the help of popular Hindi and English tunes to narrate the story.

Negative Points:
1. Films of these kind should be done with passion. But we find more hatred in the content than passion.
2. A few episodes are little boring. The film is made with the intention of having a runtime of at least one and half hours. The film would be more interesting, if it is trimmed a lot.
3. The director took the liberty to use extreme expletives to get his point across. The same intensity should have been expressed through emotions than using expletives.
4. The postproduction work done in terms of adding visuals is little taxing to the eyes.

Analysis: It is a purely a personal film. For every issue, there are both positives and negatives. The director should have taken balanced road of approach towards expressing the problem than going into complete negative mode. He went to the extent of accusing top Telugu film heroes and blamed the entire Telugu film industry. He also expressed that it is Telugu film industry that is influencing the masses with mediocre films where as it is the masses who influence the makers about what kind of films to be made. On a whole, 'Confessions of a Filmmaker' (COAFM) is an honest and brave film.

Tailpiece: The basic premise of the film is highly debatable. There is a frustrated assistant director who wants to direct a film. He is dumped because hero did not find the script good enough. He thinks that he could direct a good film. Before making their debut as director, all director wannabes think that they are of Mani Ratnam and Ram Gopal Varma caliber. But it turns out that most of these debutant directors deliver miserable films. When these debutant directors are not able to direct films with minimum basics, where will be credibility to a director wannabe who thinks that entire film industry is wrong and he is right?

back from the battle....my review

so how did it all go?
well...firstly....it was one of the most emotionally trying experiences of my life. i knew i was playing with fire...and i have been burnt to some extent...but then i knew all along, this was going to be the case.
almost everyone i met, thought or asked me....why are you so frustrated? why make this film? why be so provocative? why? why?...
my answer to that...will be....you know, i asked myself, if i was representing truth...and no i am not talking about the characters motives here, i am talking about all that he talked about....

forget it let me re-phrase everything...india as a society does not permit us to speak about our feelings....because there is a lot of emphasis put on how someone will react or feel when they hear you out...i knew from the start, this will appeal only to someone who can look at telugu cinema objectively...from a pure cinema point of view...and if you look at telugu cinema from that angle....you will questions its value system....if you look at telugu cinema from an indian perspective, i.e from the perspective of someone who prefers not to criticize publicly.....well you are not going to hear anything from them....

my film, confessions is made from the point of view of an idealistic film-maker.....an idealistic filmmaker who has been called frustrated etc....but for me he is an idealist....someone who stands for what cinema,pure cinema must stand for....and its from that perspective this film was made....

so it will get peoples blood boiling that i make fun of the system (the stars in this case).....i understand that....its not polite...its not politically correct....

well, my one question/answer to that is....is everything our stars have done so far been politically correct?....if yes...then my film doesnt have a case....if no...then my film does....what do you say?

we love the jokes that the american media makes on its president...we love all the stand up comics and their take on hollywood....when we can see that, hear that...and be objective there....why cant we do the same in this case...we cant...simply because we are not built that way....nor was it easy for me to do what i did...i had to push myself...it didnt come naturally...but it did come, because it was an inconvinient truth....
i strongly feel, one must use to film to express his/her deepest fears....his deepest secrets...it would be a tragedy if it didnt....
i am not saying my film is in anyway a piece of art....but i tried to approach it like art...painting on the canvas....all that i had seen and heard....

so is all that i have seen and heard the truth...some of it is...some maybe exaggerated....but it helped me tell me story....
why did the hero have to die? why did he have to murder someone? well the answer to that is...my film never had a 'hero'.....it only had villains....

see my film in that perspective....and i think the point will come across....
ill leave you with a few images from the night before...after which i will post all the reviews so far on film....

thanks again...for everyone who understood me and my film...and for those who didnt...i'm sorry...i wish i could have made it more universal...
my next film will be just that.....UNIVERSAL.

ill have some more pics uploaded later...but here are some for now...

alvida.

I am about to head out to the theater and studios, I have been told there will be a slight tech hitch in the movie...I am swallowing my tears...
the show must go on.....only a few hours away....

and the best part of my day so far...one of my biddu log turned up from across the world...all the way from S.A....SIRRRRRRRRRRRRAJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ is here....and i am feeling good. as i write this he is sleeping on the cot behind the computer...

man, shouldnt i be writing some deeper stuff.....after its the premier of my movie today....1st day, 1st show and maybe last....?????

no too much in my head to write anything thoughtful.....am prepared for anything....

am ready to get into battle and die a glorious death....
let me leave you with a couple of images....ok forget it my systems conking off...later...

the hearts beating wildly...some images before D day

the images arent supposed to be in blue, but my comps gotta mind of its own today...
maybe its reading my mind..
i totally love these pictures because they capture the mood of the film and the character..perfectly.....its such a perfect poster for me....
even with the insane blue...

saturday is round the corner.....hmmm...

ONE OF THE DISPLAY CARDS

THE INVITATION

TO ALL READERS OF MY BLOG

YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR QUITE A BIT. THE PEOPLE I WANT MOST TO ATTEND THE PREVIEW SHOWING ARE THE READERS OF MY BLOG. ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN ENCOURAGING AND MOTIVATING ME....

SO HERE IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT. ALL READERS OF MY BLOG CAN ATTEND THE PREVIEW SHOWING.
THE VENUE IS PRASAD LABS-PREVIEW THEATRE,BANJARA HILLS,NEXT TO L V PRASAD EYE HOSPITAL, FROM 6 PM ONWARDS, THE 12TH OF MAY 07

BUT....I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT MOST OF YOU MAY NOT GET SEATS....ALMOST HALF OF THE HALL WILL BE MEDIA...AND THE OTHER HALF SOME VIP'S (atleast i hope thats the case).

so please be prepared to watch from any space available, and holler,clap,hoot,cheer and whistle, not for me....but for my movie....

I HAVE TO REITARATE, I AM MYSELF NOT GOING TO BE SITTING DOWN....AND I WILL ASK ALL MEMBERS FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC TO MAKE SEATS AVAILABLE FOR THE MEDIA AND VIPS....I HOPE YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND...THIS IS SOMETHING, I MUST DO....

HOPE TO SEE MOST OF YOU ON THE 12TH....SURPRISE ME! :)

set...almost

first of thanks for all those encouraging comments on the last post.
i swing between being deliriously happy to petrified scared about my film. and nothing i guess will stop that oscillation until the 12th of may.

yes a slight change, the preview is now being held on the 12th instead. the weekend is a better idea, to get more press and some important people i want at the preview.
so thats one good thing, thats worked out well.
the other thing is i finally got the projector i needed, that will guarantee a fulto movie experience to all concerned...so thats another good thing...
and finally the mix down will be completed tomorrow....so thats the final frontier technically with the film.....
so thats another good thing...

i have printed out invites for the show, and i will be busy from the day after,taking appointments and pleading people to come for the show....i just hope i dont give up with the invites, when i have a daily attack of nerves...oh well...

hmm...man i thought i had a lot to say...but i cant seem to think, what else i wanted to write about....
the press is being taken care off....
i need to make sure,everyone is catered for properly during and after the show...
i need to prepare a very short speech....
i need to cover all of this with my cam, so i can share this with everyone reading the site....and?

hmmm....man i dont know how to answer half the questions they ask me....i wonder how i will figure it out then...
hmmmm...

ok...will stop for now....

what if everything goes wrong? :(

man, i am so dazed. there is so much that needs to work out just perfectly for me over the next few days, i am getting stressed just imagining the worst.
first there was the recording fiasco...i never wrote about the other reason why i felt shitty at the studio...i have been meeting up with a few crew members from another unit...who have spared me no grief about my film and my reasons for doing it...
in a few words, they shower false praise at me, while actually snickering that i am digging my own grave....man! that was another downer....but i am over it..i think...
(cant be too elaborate about the who's and the when's, they might be reading this website for all i know)...

ok so coming back to my state of mind...
i am getting paranoid....
what if everything goes wrong on the preview day...
what if the projector stops working...what if the audio is shitty...
what if no one from the press turns up....what if no one turns up...what if people walk out even before giving the film a chance...
oh man the list goes on....and i cant help feeling eveything that can go wrong will....and my one big moment, will only be one embarrassing memory....what if everything goes wrong?..
i first thought the 9th was the best, but looks like the 12th is better cus its the weekend...what if the theatre wont re-schedule my dates...what if no one listens to me....

what if no one takes me seriously....

i'm tired...its hot...i'm going to sleep.

why the fuck should anything work out for an idiot who decided he was smarter than the system....why should anything work out!

whatever.......
i wish i made a comedy or love story....not something i need to pull my hair to convince people about....
no, i am proud of 'confessions'...but it is overwhelming me...

but what if everything goes wrong for me on the big day? what if NOTHING HAPPENS....man, i will drown....drown drown drown....

i need to a divine force to stay with me over the next few days....to just guide me...man i wish i was religious....

sigh...

p.s i know ill feel better in the morning...i am writing to only feel better...so no one worry about me...

auf wiedersehen....good night...bye...sigh

tossed around

with hardly anytime left until the 9th of may, i see myself being asked to re-schedule my own final mix, to accommodate everyone else at the studio..
so i have no option but to work at nights, or when the engineer is too tired to do anything about the mix...

this is too tiring and stressful and is really getting on my nerves. i have no option left now but to pack my tracks and find another studio...
time is of the essence, and suddenly no one seems to have it for me...

the video is done

it was quite a weekend. i think we travelled approx 400km, in and around the city. and i will never sit in a toyota innova again. its such an over-rated car.
anyways, coming back to the video.
it was an intense and cathartic affair for me. with just one camera in hand, and the stress of canning a multitude of shots for a video....well i did my best under the cirsumstances. in retrospect, i wish i could have done better...i could have...but just couldnt....
but like in all my earlier experiences, i have been able to churn out something reasonable....i am confident i can do it this time round with the video, i just might have to work harder on it....

meanwhile its back to the studios for the final mix...the pressure is building as the film approachs the final lap of work....i see vultures hovering over me :), its pay time for some folks out there... and i mean 'pay time'.
man...

film work is weird....the closer you are to finishing it, the harder it gets...

man what a trip these 6 months were...
lets see whats in store for the future....

let me leave you with a few images from the week gone by....

in a couple hours and a couple of days

i will be shooting the music video in a couple of hours from now. been unable to sleep. wont be sleeping until sometime early monday i think. i'm going to be on the road with the camera and the band the entire weekend.
and then later this week, maybe before the following weekend. the film would be wrapped once and for all...

this is the final frontier...

recordings done, just mulling over the video

as days go by, i seem to have little to write or speak about. i think its because the films work is coming to an end. the final mix will start on monday after which i approach the censors...and from then on, its pretty much upto destiny...

however i have decided i will shoot myself everyday leading upto the preview show on the 9th...if i am not able to muster up too many words...maybe my pics will...

so here are a few pics from yesterday and the night before....some images make me think about how self indulgent film-making is...

aren't there bigger needs and bigger reasons...ofcourse there are...but i am too self indulgent to think about them.

no work,just hangin out

i know we have a winner

xabyssus has created a piece of music, which i cant to wait to show to the world. its an incredible,lasting,heady,trip which is a good 7min 32sec. an anthem...the theme music for cof.

and i know its one of those great pieces of music.....of all time!

no i am not drunk. wait till you listen to it.
meanwhile some pics from a few hours ago. more recording work tomorrow.
oh did i mention we are shooting the music video this weekend.
so a jam packed week ahead, just the way i like it.

the music is on the floors

well the jammings done, we've been recording in the studio since friday.wont say much right now. have a hangover from last night. will just leave you with some pictures for now.

anurag kashyap made my day :)

an article for passionforcinema.com was overdue, so i decided to check it out today to see what everyone is talking about.
and lo and behold there is an article by anurag kashyap called "the new wave is coming".

to understand why i am pleased as punch, pl go to the link here and read the article..

http://passionforcinema.com/the-new-wave-is-comingbheja-fry-and-manorama-six-feet-under/

meanwhile i have to get back to work now.

the 'times' article

‘The film industry is mafia-like’

Filmmaker Anish Kuruvilla is on a quest for ‘better cinema’. And he believes Tollywood is falling seriously short

CHARISMA MURARI Times News Network

WHAT lurks in the underbelly of Tollywood? Filmmaker Anish Kuruvilla has observations to share, and a disclaimer to add before he gets into them, “I have been in the industry for over 10 years. I have been an assistant director, actor and executive producer. I have been associated with critically acclaimed movies like Dollar Dreams, Anand and, more recently, Godavari. I am not some wasted daarudrinking loser. I know what I am talking about.”

And then he wastes no time in trying to explain why he had to make a movie that would be called Confessions of a Filmmaker, and that would do exactly what its title suggests. “The film industry is mafia-like. Everything is about family and bloodline, and anyone who doesn’t belong to any of the dynasties can’t break in,” he says, adding, “The industry is further divided by caste. People of a caste work together. Heck, the first question you are asked when you join a set is, ‘ay oor meeru’ (which village are you from). Give me a break. We are trying to make movies here! And we’ll never make a multi-starrer. Because every actor is concerned about how his fans would be affected. They all think they “owe” something to the fans, and that the fans would be annoyed if they worked with a certain actor!”

Anish continues, “The Vajrotsavam (the 75th anniversary celebrations of Tollywood) speaks for how people are in the industry. They all came of as school kids. It is remembered for the mess it created. But no one wants to talk about it. For that will upset the powers that be, and people don’t want to alienate the big producers or directors. And the actors, well, they call all the shots anyway. It’s pathetic to see big directors getting up from their chairs and saluting – with bowed heads – heroes for just showing up on the sets. I have seen the socalled big directors grovelling.”

Why did Anish feel inspired to tell this story? “Because there is more to cinema than the titillating things that Tollywood wants us to see. They want to shove a song, which almost literally translates into sexual intercourse. And it has extremely suggestive hand-movements as well! It’s all rather atrocious. I believe cinema can be more meaningful. And I can say what I think because I am not getting my bread and butter from the big daddies, as it were.” How then are guys like him financing their movies? “By selling our land, cars, homes. It’s really as basic as that.”

needless to say some liberties where taken by the journalist in quoting me. i guess thats the way it is and i am fine with that.

some more pics fom the jam yesterday

while i wallow in self doubt and fear, here are some pictures from yesterdays jam.
we have a great tune and some great music.

is any of this going to be worth it though? i have a shitty day ahead of me. need some strength and words of support. waiting for the rest of the world to wake up and read the story in the times.

until later, my mom's getting a heart attack downstairs. sigh.

the times of india article

The times of india did an article on me today. And boy am I being made to feel bad about it. (will post a link as soon as there is one, or will scan)

Apparently there is no need for all this angst and no need for such debate.And maybe there wasn't any need for this movie. I shouldn't be messing around with the holy grail of telugu cinema, I shouldn't be dooming myself. right?

Its not going to be an easy day out for me today.

THE MAY 9TH DEADLINE

I WAS WAITING FOR AN ANSWER. AN ANSWER TO WHEN I MUST STOP WORKING ON THIS FILM. AN ANSWER AS TO WHEN I NEED TO TAKE THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM. I GOT IT AND I WILL LIVE UPTO IT.

ITS MAY 9TH. ONE WHOLE YEAR SINCE GODAVARI RELEASED. AND THIS FILM WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IF NOT FOR MY EXPERIENCES SINCE THAT TIME.

SO ONE MONTH FROM NOW,WHETHER I HAVE A DISTRIBUTOR OR NOT, WHETHER I GET CENSOR OR PUBLICITY CLEARANCE OR NOT. THE FILM WILL BE OUT FOR EVERYONE TO WATCH IN WHATEVER FORM.
I AM HOPING I GET A DISTRIBUTOR FOR A 11TH RELEASE HERE...FINGERS CROSSED, SO MUCH ELSE NEEDS TO WORK OUT FOR ME AND THE FILM OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS.

THE MUSIC IS BEING WORKED ON RIGHT NOW AS I SPEAK. HOPEFULLY WE SHOULD HIT THE RECORDING STUDIOS LATER THIS WEEK. AND FROM THERE ITS A DASH TO THE FINISH..

YEAH, MAY 9TH FOLKS...I WILL LIVE UPTO IT THIS TIME ROUND. ACTUALLY HAVE MORE TO TALK ABOUT...BUT WILL SETTLE WITH THIS RIGHT NOW...GOTTA RUSH TO THE JAM SESSION.

meanwhile some pics from the last couple of days.

the poster

well its a sample.not yet final.but i am using it as a flyer, putting it up on windshields,handing it to joggers etc.

EXABYSSUS AT WORK

alright, so yes my film is done except for the music. yep, the band watched the film yesterday and they have figured out what is pretty much needed for COF. i think. :)
so, they are going to start jamming and hopefully start recording soon.

on my part, although the film is ready, i really want to see where i can get with the music too. so looks like the first showing/private screening will be delayed by a couple of weeks. but i am really hoping its all going to be worth it. something inside me says i wont regret.

i trust the band, is going to create something truly special. i just have this feeling. and i know its going to help the film immensely.
while i can understand these new developments are tiresome, i simply want to do whats best for the film, there is no clock ticking anywhere...i want to see how far i can push things technically and creatively by not spending too much money :)

thats a tough task. but for now, its music time.

The Music of COF-2

follow me into my abyss of dreams n views
make me an object of observation
make me a song but i wont rhyme for sure
im might sound numb but guess am just ok

ride me to the dawn and let me loose
i wanna confess i wanna let go
laugh with me n let me cry when i want to
i wanna confess... tryin to express

let me change into something more comfortable
the day will be long n tiring u better now
play around with ur vision and
capture what may really seem insignificant.

music and lyrics by KRIS

The Music of 'COF'

i got sunlit clouds shinin on my head
as i walk on the road to nowhere
lookin at the world dat turned me down
as i contemplate my views on 'the man'

i gotmy reasons so clear to me
but i wnt push u to understand
look at the world thru the 'eye'
they made it look so obscene now

pieces of my mind scattered everywhere
gotta pick em up b4 i lose my stand
a fever, a dervish to make my day
a better place dan yesterday

i throw a pebble at the darkwithout no hope
n i laugh at the reasons dey throw me back
i got nuthin to lose n a lot i can give
closer to nowhere n dats where i am..

lyrics and music by KRIS.

yes this is the biggest decision i have made so far. i am going to get some original music done for COF. there will be some covers too, but i really want to stay away from stuff people have too many associations with... yep, thats it...music is being composed and written as i write this....more on this exciting new development later...

the piece above is the first song written for the FILM. In time they will all be available in a store close to you :). I have big hopes on this guy and his band.

ideas, innovations and work

its been a whirlwind few days now. the film is inching towards completion, but there are still changes being made...but yes, its going to be ready soon...i think... :)
i cant seem to help it,considering i am going to be judged big time, until i make my next film.i really wanna give this the best shot i can...and i am growing in confidence everyday...anyways enough about me...the film is going to be ready soon.

so we are out of the world cup, i dont even have time to feel depressed about it. the weight of the film is getting heavier by the day.
everyone who has read this blog so far, must already know, how lucky i must get, when it comes to the release...

and thats why a lot of my time is also being spent trying to think of new and inventive ways to ensure proper publicity and a release of some sort...

and yes, i have some great ideas for it, which i will write about when the time is right...meanwhile a small mention to be made...confessions is now a '.com'. thats right....
you can also type in http://www.confessionsofafilmmaker.com/ (confessions of a filmmaker)
you will be re-directed to the same blog, but a new website is going to come into existence very soon...

you will be able to access wallpapers,trailers,music from the film...and maybe one day even watch it!!...
but "for every technological decision...there is room for innovation" (my phraseology, i declare!)
...and i think me and some inventive folks i met today, might just create some news sooner or later in the web-world...

curious...i hope so...i am excited about some possibile realities....even if they are not really possible...
will keep you posted.

'THE HINDU' ARTICLE ON "CONFESSIONS"

THE HINDU
Online edition of India's National Newspaper
Wednesday, Mar 21, 2007

Real into reel

Anish Kuruvilla is making a film based on his experience in the Telugu film industry

Anish Kuruvilla is known for his sharp analysis of the human mind and Telugu cinema. So when he has something new to say, people listen with rapt attention. A Malayali brought up in Hyderabad, Anish worked for over a decade in Hyderabad with filmmakers like Mani Sankar, Shekar Kammula and Nagesh Kukunoor. He is currently in news for making a film, Confessions of a filmmaker, based on his experience in the Telugu cinema industry.

Anish feels that the industry continues to unleash clichéd commercial films designed for stars keeping their image or iconic status in mind. "The clock has stopped somewhere, we can never make stories as long as stars demand that the film should revolve around them. These heroes play characters that make them get a better fan following. The producers, directors and all those connected with the film buckle under the system."

The audience has got used to mediocrity and has found comfort in familiarity, says Anish. "We have very little to be proud of as this is not a place for talented directors or those with a vision for good cinema. I want every educated person who values his time and money to analyse the film they watch and not be lazy to even react. We are watching these films because we have no choice."

Confessions of a filmmaker is not a campaign; it's a story of a director who is in the crossroads of his life and breaks down when the film he wants to make doesn't happen. He begins to look down and questions the system he has been with. He calls a cameraman to start shooting him because he thinks he has a lot to say and while he constructs a series of events, there begins a trip down the Telugu cinema industry. Anish says, "My vision is for a strong movement in the industry where people come forward because they have a story to tell and not because the star is waiting to become the hero of the story. We don't want icons. I don't want my son to grow up wanting to be a particular hero."

The movie is like any regular feature film - seventy percent has been shot in Telugu and the rest in English. It downplays the caste system and the star system around which the future of Telugu cinema revolves. So let's hope the censor clears the body of work, which is not only brutally honest but aims at inspiring young filmmakers to make a story for themselves. While his film might trigger controversies, it has so far sparked the thought process of many.

Y. SUNITA CHOWDHARY

http://www.hindu.com/mp/2007/03/21/stories/2007032100480100.htm

feeling good

yeah, although the weekend was spent in doubt and depression over my movie, facing questions like, why the fuck did i make it? everyone is going to hate it? why didnt i simply make a comedy? i dont know why i made what i made? this is trash! whats the use!i dont know what to do with this! etc etc.

well that was the dark weekend behind me, as i confronted those issues, i came out feeling better last night. my climax looks great, a couple of troublesome scenes look like they will work somehow...hmm...a simple scene now looks cooler...a complex scene now looks simpler and more hard hitting....yeah i am happy...
actually no matter what the end result...its fucking original.

just thought i'd write that down for today...

i love this world....and the people in it. :)